I don’t care if he wears a uniform — Santa still gives me the creeps. Always has. Spends half his time groping children, the other half enslaving pointy-eared midgets, and another half sneaking down chimneys like some prowler. Yes, I know, that’s three halves, but like I was saying, this Santa dude’s into some freaky-deaky shit.
Anyway: I hope everyone’s Christmas is healthy and happy, and that you get some quality goods under the tree. Special shout-outs to Julie and Johnie, whose book on aluminum Christmas trees is the definitive word on the subject, and to the great Oscar Peterson, who died yesterday and whose music brightened many a holiday over the years for me and, I hope, you. R.I.P., brother.