[Looking to order a gift membership for a lucky recipient? Click here.]
I hear it again and again. “Thank god I found Uni Watch,” people tell me. “Until now, I thought I was the only one who looked at sports this way.”
As you’ve no doubt discovered by now, you’re not the only one. But if your friends still look at you a bit funny when you point out a player’s sleeve length, or the wife rolls her eyes when you wax rhapsodic about the pleasures of a well-tailored set of stirrups, salvation is finally at hand. Now, as over 1700 readers have already done, you can show your solidarity with other uniform obsessives and proclaim your citizenship in the larger uni-related community — and help support Uni Watch in the process — by enrolling in the official Uni Watch membership program.
The heart of the program is the official Uni Watch membership card, which comes fully laminated and can be customized with your own name and number on the back, just like a uniform. You can either choose to go with Uni Watch colors (we offer a variety of styles for your name), or you can choose the design style of your favorite team. Most MLB, NFL, NHL and NBA teams are available, plus we can do some throwback designs, most NCAA designs, and you officiating types can opt for zebra stripes. We also consider special requests (that one was in honor of Roger Bannister) on a case-by-case basis. You can see a gallery of all the rear-card designs that we’ve created so far here.
There are three restrictions on the membership card designs:
1. We will not do a card based on the uniform of any team with a Native American-based name (Redskins, Indians, Braves, Chiefs, Warriors, Blackhawks, etc.), because we think those team names are inappropriate and we don’t want anything to do with them. We will, however, do cards based on the uniforms of the Utah Utes, CMU Chippewas, and Florida State Seminoles, because the tribes that those teams are named after have given permission for their names to be used.
2. We will not do any designs based on camouflage uniforms.
3. In keeping with longstanding Uni Watch chromatic policy, we will not execute any design that includes even a tiny bit of purple. Yes, this rule is very arbitrary, and no, it is not negotiable — except on May 17 of each year, which is the anniversary of the site’s founding. That date is designated as Purple Amnesty Day, the one day when we accept purple-inclusive card design requests.
Keep in mind that if you opt for a team-based treatment, your name must appear in the style used by that team. In other words, you can’t ask for a A’s treatment with vertically arched lettering, or a Yankees treatment with any name at all. Teams that use nameplates (as opposed to direct-sewn lettering) will have a little nameplate outline visible on their cards.
So how do you join? Here’s the scoop:
First, choose one of the following payment methods:
a. You can use Venmo to send $25 to email@example.com.
b. You can use Square Cash to send $25 to firstname.lastname@example.org.
c. If you bank with Chase, you can use Chase QuickPay to send $25 to email@example.com.
d. You can send a $25 check, money order, or well-concealed cash to Paul Lukas, 671 DeGraw St., Brooklyn, NY 11217.
e. Or you can use this button link to send $25 via Amazon Payments.
Either way, once you’ve chosen your payment method, send me an email with the following information (or, if you’re paying via Square Cash, you can include this info in your payment email):
• The name that you want to appear on the front of the card. Nicknames are fine, although really stupid or offensive ones will be assessed on a case-by-case basis.
• The uniform number that you want on the back of the card.
• The name, if any, that you want to appear on the back of the card. Last names are preferable, but first names or nicknames will be considered and honored whenever possible (except for “He Hate Me,” which is off-limits).
• The design treatment you want for your name and number on the back of the card. If you’re choosing Uni Watch colors, indicate if you want the name to be vertically arched, radially arched, straight, subscript, or no name at all; if choosing a team-based design treatment, indicate home or road (or dark jersey or light), and also give a second design option, just in case we don’t have the typeface for your first team choice.
• Your shipping address.
That’s it. Thanks for signing up!
But wait — there’s more…
Wouldn’t it be cool if you could have a sheet of stickers based on your membership card design?
Now you can. All past, present, and new members can now order a sheet of stickers like the one you see above. It’ll include four stickers about the same size as your membership card, plus one larger sticker (6.75″ x 4.375″), manufactured by our friends at Sticker You. The high-quality vinyl stickers are water- and sun-resistant (and hence suitable for outdoor use, as I’ve learned from personal experience) but are also easily removable, with no gunky residue. Stick ’em on your desk or wall, stick ’em on your car bumper, stick ’em on your forehead — the possibilities are limitless.
The price: $15 for one sheet, or $26 for two. Those prices include shipping. The rules:
• You must be a Uni Watch Membership Program enrollee.
• You can order stickers at the same time when signing up as a member (unfortunately, these will have to be two separate transactions, and your card and stickers will be shipped separately — sorry for the hassle), or you can order stickers at any time after enrolling.
• You can only order stickers based on your own card design. No mixing and matching, no changes to your design, no exceptions, no foolin’.
• For now, we’re limiting orders to two sheets at a time. If the process goes well, we hope to make larger quantities available.
Capiche? Good. Here’s how to order:
1a. To order one sheet of stickers, either use Square Cash to send $15 to firstname.lastname@example.org or use this button:
1b. To order two sheets of stickers, either use Square Cash to send $26 to email@example.com or use this button:
1c. If you you don’t like electronic payments, send a check, money order, or well-concealed cash in the proper amount, payable to Paul Lukas, 671 DeGraw St., Brooklyn, NY 11217.
2) After placing your order, send me an email confirming your card design (especially for those of you who have more than one card).