As you’re probably aware by now, Pedro Martinez (shown above being escorted off the mound by his personal valet — that’s a special clause in his contract) had a pretty rough time of it last night. What you’re probably not aware of is that he had his second button undone during most of his time on the mound, which looked sooooo 3rd-grade-dork. Drove me nuts every time they showed a close-up of him. “Fix that freaking button!” I kept yelling at the TV. Okay, so by “yelling at the TV” I actually mean “eating lamb chops and reading the paper,” but the button was still a major distraction.
So anyway, duh, no wonder he pulled a hamstring — with his button equilibrium all messed up like that, we’re lucky he didn’t end up in a body cast. Isn’t this the kind of thing the personal valet was supposed to look out for? Shouldn’t the lucky midget have noticed? Oh wait, the lucky midget died, which explains the whole problem. Next time out, Pedro’ll probably have his fly undone. Except now there’s no telling when his next time out will be. See how things spiral down the crapper once your lucky midget dies?
I’ve got a new ESPN column today (here’s the link), so that’ll have to do for today’s meat. Potatoes follow below. — Paul
Uni Watch News Ticker: Contrary to what we’d all been told, the Yankees are already wearing their All-Star Game patch (the party line had been that it wouldn’t be added until the beginning of all-star balloting next month), and of course they’ve also got their Yankee Stadium farewell patch, making for a double-barreled patch display. … More patch surprises: While tracking down photos of this year’s patches, I came across this. I couldn’t call the A’s to ask them about it because they were already on their way to Japan, but the patch wasn’t shown in any of the official MLB uni specs for this season, so I figured it was just a souvenir patch. And now it turns out I figured wrong. … Yet another uni change that wasn’t noted in any of the preseason literature: The front uni number on the Twins’ navy alternate jersey has changed from white to red. Also, it’s hard to see, but the nameplate lettering, which used to be white outline in red, is now just white. Neither of these changes is reflected in the MLB Style Guide. … Speaking of the Twins, nice moment before last night’s game, as Torii Hunter got to receive his Golden Glove award in front of his old fans. … Interesting April Fool’s joke here (with thanks to Minna H.). … “I was walking through an area of Pittsburgh called Frick Park,” writes Ryan Connelly. “Along the park path they have a ‘fitness circuit’ set up with signs to show/demonstrate the exercises at each point. Just check out these pics for some serious logo creep! My personal favorite is the ‘adidas shelltoe/Chuck Taylor all star’ thingy that the guy on the balance beam is wearing.” … Two games, two starters in stirrups. … That’s one weird-ass “3”. … More here about LaTroy Hawkins wearing No. 21. … The Denver Post ran an impressive package on baseball gloves the other day. There’s an article, a sidebar, a photo gallery, and a really great series of diagrams (which includes a timeline with some really amazing factoids — highly recommended). All this is courtesy of Harvey Lee. … Note to self: Don’t wear an Oilers jersey in Calgary. … For NYC-area readers: Several good authors will be reading from their sports-related books tomorrow night in Manhattan, and I hope to be there myself (as a spectator, not a reader). Details here. … Here’s something I haven’t seen before: Steven Wyder has a bunch of Bengals bobbleheads (save the jokes, they’re too obvious) and notes that Chad and Rudi Johnson have differing nameplate treatments. … Good view here of Akinori Iwamura’s gator-skin glove (as spotted by Marcus Ramsey). … Here’s another article on those patches representing secret Pentagon programs. Accompanying slide show here. … Minna H. can relax, at least for another month: The NFL’s hair-length proposal has been tabled until May. … Not uni-related, but as a sportswriter who works both sides of the street, so to speak (i.e., I work for the world’s biggest sports media company but also have my own independent site), I found this really interesting, and I suspect most of you will as well. … Please join me in donning a memorial patch for Bertha, who I learned to recognize during countless visits to the New York Aquarium. … Logo creep on spat tape? Enough already (good spot by Eric J. Mellington). … Douglas Hirschman points out that the Indians’ new retro-ish alt cap owes a certain aesthetic debt to what the White Sox wore from 1939 through 1944. … My friend David Kramer has some gorgeous baseball-themed artwork in the new issue of Hobart, plus his short accompanying essay is hilarious. Check out all of it here.